


There's No Going Back

by whyntir



Series: Sick Connection [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Inspired by Music, Major Character Injury, Post-Series, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 20:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10670361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyntir/pseuds/whyntir
Summary: I had a plan and it made God laughIt didn't work, should've checked the mathI hit the wall 'cause I live too fastI didn't know it could hurt that badThere's No Going Back - Sick Puppies





	There's No Going Back

“ _ Dislocated Shoulders.” _

* * *

 

Hot clouds that shocked the lungs, the organs couldn’t tell the temperature. His breath hitched momentarily, knuckles white as they clutched the bar, swallowing a low groan.

* * *

 

“ _ Forearms broken; though shattered may be more accurate.” _

* * *

 

A droplet slid down the bridge of his nose, unable to tell if it was accumulation of the steam or sweat from the exertion, his arms screamed.

* * *

 

_ “Normally I would recommend an amputation.” _

_ “That isn’t an option.” _

* * *

 

Left foot. Pick it up, move it forward. Just a little more. Heel first, roll to the toes. Close enough. Now right foot.

* * *

 

_ “There are signs of spinal damage, it is unclear how severe at this time, but there is a possibility you may be paralyzed.” _

_ “Even more reason to try and salvage my arms, neh?” _

* * *

 

Tighten the abdominals, balance is in the core.

* * *

 

_ “If the bone becomes infected, there is no hope in salvaging your arms. You do realize this?” _

_ “In such a scenario, I would hope the amount of money I am paying you would be enough for you to simply look the other way. My only request is that you make it as painless as possible.” _

* * *

 

Five steps today.

It wasn’t much, but it was progress. He sighed as he practically fell into the chair under the shower’s spray. The heat doing little to soothe the burning pain in his limbs, he took the time to simply relax, wait until moving was a little more bearable. His head ung under the spray of the shower. His hair had gotten long during recovery. He probably should go easier on himself, especially when no one was around, falling would be a very bad idea.

And yet, even here, he felt trapped.

Some half-choked sound echoed off the tiled walls, startling him. Straightening, he lifted his head out from under the spray, realizing the sound came from him. He breathed out and it happened again, something between a sob and a laugh. Slowly, his stronger of his two arms pushed the overgrown bangs from his face, the sound wracking the frail body he had been left with.

It was over.

You can only pull the trigger once and he missed.

There’s no going back, but Orihara Izaya was still here.

And think of all the fun there was yet to be had.

**Author's Note:**

> Izaya really is something close to my heart.  
> To make things a little real, I have PTSD that comes in the form of generalized anxiety and claustrophobia. There was a situation with my family that resulted in my leaving my home and living, with lack of a better term, homeless. I had a few friends give me a place to stay for the night and when they couldn't, I stayed in a hotel. This song played a lot on my phone during that time. I couldn't go back due to trauma from the situation. Reading fan translations of the Sunset for Orihara novel, I relate so hard to Izaya, in how he still has flashbacks and how going back, at least for now, is not an option. Maybe one day he will go back to Ikebukuro, maybe not. In the end, this song makes me feel Izaya. At one point I truly contemplated suicide, giving up was the easy option, but I realized something while on my own, and that was there is a whole world out there, and limiting myself to this small, dark little corner, trapping myself here, letting it kill me, the only one missing out would be me. So even if it is hard, that doesn't mean impossible.  
> Think of all the fun there is yet to be had.


End file.
